


Words Fail chapter 1

by KevinKailee



Series: Words Fail [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen
Genre: Other, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:15:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26448400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KevinKailee/pseuds/KevinKailee
Summary: Dear Evan Hansen AU. Where Evan Hansen died from the very beginning.
Relationships: None?
Series: Words Fail [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1921531
Comments: 2





	Words Fail chapter 1

Evan brushed his fingers across the Birthday Card, not sure how he felt about it. He takes it out every now and then, expecting a different result. It wasn’t a real birthday card, it was a joke some bullies pulled on him. Inside the paper held insults that Evan didn’t even know how he could ignore, but he did. Evan picked it up and threw it across his room, a new anger filling his body. He would never amount to anything, just like everyone has always said. Evan would never make friends, enjoy the movies that he watched with his mom, or even have a reason to live.  
He was about to go on with all the things he could have listed forever, but his mother, Heidi, broke him from his thoughts. “Evan! Come downstairs, please!”  
Evan rolled his eyes, knowing that she was probably going to want some “family time”. He immediately felt guilty after that simple movement of his eyes, though, because he knew his mother was doing the best she could. Ever since she divorced his father, they struggled through life. She never got her degree because she had Evan in college, and her job failed to give her enough money. Heidi felt as if she had to make it up to Evan, and he gets it, but sometimes Evan just wants to feel normal.  
Slowly making his way down the stairs and sighing a great amount, he tried to fix his composure. His mom always knew something was up and now was not the time to mention it.  
“Hey, Evan!” His mother greeted him excitedly. “They let me off work early, so I thought, since we don’t spend time together that much, that we could have a little pizza party. Some pepperoni and settle down to watch a movie, huh? Sounds good?”  
Evan wanted to say sure, but his mother's hurt eyes and slumping posture sent him over the edge. Maybe if he was dead she wouldn’t struggle so much. Evan hastily shoved his shoes on and shook his head. “Not hungry.” He stumbled out the door and took a look at his mother’s car.  
His anxiety often kept him from driving, so that wasn’t an option. Instead he walked along the sidewalk, feeling so emotional yet so dead at the same time. He must’ve walked quite a long way, because he didn’t even know where he was. Evan shut his eyes tight and crumpled against a tall tree. There was no mother here to dig into his business or stab his heart whenever she struggled. He didn’t have any friends to stop him. He didn’t even have a father who cared. Evan’s dad left him and started another family, which would be his top priority. Not some loser kid that couldn’t see well enough to get his life straight.  
Evan didn’t even shed a tear and the thoughts that kept attacking his mind. What was the point of it? Crying wouldn’t fix anything. He would cry only to see that nothing has changed. He finally opened his eyes and then thought of one thing: the sunset. No matter what, it would always be there. To show people that the day was over, and then in the morning it would rise over the horizon to bring light to the darkness. Life would go on.  
It would go on without him.

Evan turned around and saw the tree. One branch after the other, higher and higher, until the sun shined on his face. He looked down to see how high he was, and realized he didn’t feel any fear at all. The sun cast an orange glow all across his body, and Evan smiled a bit. It was absolutely beautiful. All his life he had been struggling to see just something that was good about life. He realized it was the little things. The sunset, the trees, like the one he was on right now. But Evan couldn’t have the little things in his life, only in times and places like these. Everything had to be a huge problem.  
Evan stared at his glowing body for a moment and then stared at the sunset for as long as he could, trying to take it in. On how beautiful it was. It’s all he could think about as he slipped and fell from the tall tree.  
Or maybe he just let go.


End file.
